Discord in the family is not a reason to leave. Tips on how to improve relations with your husband. How to improve relationships in the family with your husband How to improve relationships with your husband

In our time, it is undergoing a significant crisis and this is no secret to anyone. This crisis hit the marriage especially hard. Divorce statistics are constantly growing, and a woman concerned about the fate of her family asks herself: how to improve relations with her husband before things reach a critical point? Everything is very simple here - a woman needs to invest her mind, soul and heart in a family, and not ambitions, claims and high expectations.

It's a shame when your attempts to fix everything are perceived as if you want to drown the relationship even more ...
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Pitfalls of any marriage

Before you can solve a problem, you need to find its root. Probably, in a family with any standard of living, both small quarrels and serious scandals are possible. The woman who is the keeper of the family hearth is simply obliged to know how to establish family relations with her husband if a conflict arises. And these conflicts can be very different:

1. Petty domestic quarrel

Of course, it is better to prevent quarrels than to analyze their consequences later. To avoid quarrels over trifles, a woman should show restraint. Keep silent if something suddenly seemed wrong to her. It should be understood that the spouse is purely physically unable to read the thoughts of other people, including yours. And yet, psychologists have proven that a man reacts very painfully in his soul to criticism of his efforts. Such quarrels are common during repairs, cleaning or joint purchases.

If, nevertheless, trouble happened, then how to improve relations with your husband after a quarrel, male psychology will tell you. According to statistics, many men do not tend to hold a grudge for a long time, but if you add female affection to this, then reconciliation will go even faster. Approach first, hug, caress, apologize - even if you think in your heart that he is wrong, the most effective and surest way in this situation. Now you know how to improve relations with your husband after a quarrel correctly, without resorting to reproaches and tantrums.

2. Misunderstanding

If you think about how to improve relations in a situation where both spouses are constantly arguing about and without, then you can not find a solution at all. When mutual understanding leaves the family, peace also leaves with it. This happens because of selfishness, when one's own interests are put above the interests of the spouse. In such a situation, everything is in the hands of a woman. If she is the initiator of conflicts, then it is worth understanding that the husband has his own tastes and preferences, they need to be accepted, respected, and not try to impose his point of view.

Another thing is when the initiator of the dispute is the spouse himself. Not every woman can understand how to establish family relationships with a husband who really finds fault, gives instructions, criticizes and reproaches. And indeed, if you continue to live with such a domestic tyrant, it will not lead to anything good. Here it is necessary either to endure or make compromises, because it is difficult to correct the line of such male behavior. Only a family psychologist can help.

No matter how easy the conflict situation is, it is better to try to survive it with minimal losses. Do not shift the blame on your spouse for non-existent sins, do not reproach him and do not impose your opinion - the best strategy for wise female behavior.

Serious problems

Things are much worse when real disasters come to the family. Not every woman is able to survive them, not every woman knows how to improve relations after infidelity or how to improve relations with her husband on the verge of parting? Here are the most common situations where both mind, heart, and ingenuity are required:

1. Jealousy and distrust

How many destinies were destroyed by these two interconnected feelings, do not count! It is sometimes impossible to explain one's innocence and devotion to a pathological jealous person. Sometimes a woman is simply unable to endure, because how to improve relations with her husband on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

For such situations, there are two quite effective ways out:

• Try to prove your love to your husband again. Give him gifts. Passionate, full of feelings letters are especially suitable. Leave love notes in a jacket pocket or in an organizer to such a jealous person, send love SMS, poems, etc. In general, surround your spouse with attention. Perhaps his jealousy is simply caused by a lack of this very attention, and you worry in vain.
• Give your spouse the opportunity to feel like the main man in your life. Even if you understand that he is already in charge, it is important that it comes to him. To get started, start asking your husband for advice on any occasion. Give up for a while from going to girlfriends or to public places where your husband cannot be near you. Be sure to ask his advice and opinion about the clothes you are going to wear on the way out. By doing this, you will not only let him know his importance, but also protect yourself from an unnecessary outburst of claims, because he himself chose what to wear and where to go.

2. Treason

Scientists have repeatedly argued that men are inherently polygamous. That is, they are not always able to remain faithful to one and only.
For many wives, the word cheating is synonymous with relationship death. Most do not even know how to improve relationships after infidelity, because they do not want to. Every second woman after the betrayal of her husband files for divorce. Is there an alternative for those who, despite the pain, decide to keep the family together?

Yes, there are some ways to improve relations with your husband after infidelity:

• Try to forget the fact of infidelity and forgive your husband. You can not even hear it, but in your soul, for yourself personally. To do this, it is better to be alone with yourself for some time, maybe even live apart for a while.
• Try to find excuses for your husband. The very first thing is that the husband returned to you, and did not leave. Think, maybe he just has such an addictive character, maybe he didn’t intentionally commit treason at all. It is definitely not good to deceive yourself, so here you need to be strict and subjective. Do not look for excuses from the ceiling, but analyze the facts. Try to put yourself in his place. Would you like to be forgiven?
• If you are wondering how to improve relations with your husband after infidelity once and for all, then feel free to repeat and memorize a simple worldly mantra: “never and under no circumstances remember, do not reproach and do not tell anyone about the fact of your spouse’s infidelity, including to him". If female pride prevails even after her husband’s betrayal, this fact will turn into a favorite weapon, then your spouse will rush to leave very soon under the yoke of guilt.

The complexity of human relationships is sometimes beyond the control of personal desires. And sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice one's own pride and stubbornness on the altar of the family. It is important to understand that a loving heart will endure everything and forgive everything, the main thing is that it is justified and your husband is worth these sacrifices.

From love to friendship

Quite often one has to observe how divorced spouses (in whose relationship love really ended) part as enemies and various unpleasant actions are used by the woman:

1. manipulation of children;
2. Threats;
3. reproaches;
4. Complaints;
5. The desire to denigrate the former spouse in the eyes of others.

In such a situation, it is foolish to expect iron patience and a normal attitude from a man. After a divorce, a woman should think about how to improve relations with her ex-husband, and not continue to sort things out with him.

What is the best thing to do after a divorce for a woman, and how can she improve relations with her ex-husband:

• Stop treating a man as an enemy. You should not look for the guilty if your marriage is a thing of the past. It is better to think of the future and save a human face. Look at your ex-husband with the same eyes as you look at work colleagues or just acquaintances. He is a man and if he offended you somewhere, forgive him and do not hold evil.
• Don't speculate baby. Sometimes separation occurs some time after the birth of the first child. A man who did not know all the charms of fatherhood before is losing his nerves, you should not blame him or reproach him for this. A woman as a mother is naturally stronger in spirit, therefore, after childbirth
• Tell common children only good things about their father, try to encourage their frequent communication. In no case should you put your grievances and complexes on the fragile shoulders of children. If they tell dad in what colors mom speaks about him, this will determine your future relationship for a long time. You can invite your ex-husband to family holidays and try to establish simple, friendly communication with him.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help. Feel free to call up your ex-spouse, do not consider it something low. Asking for advice or asking for help is natural, and besides, he is not a stranger.

Of course, relationships of this kind are purely individual. If the spouse really inflicted a serious wound, refuses to help the children, behaves ugly, then you should not even try to establish relations with him. Just be human in every situation.

Outcome

A husband is your protector, your man, your fortress, but he is also a person and this is the first thing a woman should remember, trying to maintain an ideal relationship with him.

Standing in a wedding dress or in a strict tailcoat, every girl or guy dreams of a wonderful family life. At this moment, none of them thinks about possible quarrels and contentions after the wedding. But sooner or later they happen, and for many couples this becomes an insurmountable obstacle in creating strong family ties. You need to work on relationships, and know how to improve relations with your husband.

Psychologists say that married couples are a single organism in which the so-called grinding and getting used to each other takes place for some time. There is no one piece of advice that would help all couples to form harmonious relationships. Everyone has their own scenario. But there are practical tips on how to improve relations with a husband or wife, which we will talk about.

Any married couple goes through a stage when quarrels become more frequent in the family. Conflict-free families simply do not exist. Statistics say that out of 100 families, more than 80 couples constantly swear. But for many couples, these kinds of problems are short-term. And for some, the conflict drags on, and in many cases it becomes impossible to save the family without the intervention of a specialist.

Psychologists attribute this to many reasons, but the main one is the complete lack of trust, respect and devotion. This is what often leads to someone, that ordinary domestic quarrels develop into an unresolved conflict between a man and a woman.

In addition, each of us is a person with his own set of feelings, emotions and the ability to demonstrate them. Therefore, during a quarrel, a person behaves differently. There are three types of personality depending on the behavior during the conflict.

1. People who are impulsive, unable to control their emotions and aggression. Therefore, a conflict with them often develops into a scandal, tantrums, breaking dishes. But often, having thrown out the accumulated negative emotions, impulsive people calm down after screaming.
2. Restrained individuals are a great danger. Such people know how to control their actions, but after a quarrel, they may consider a plan of revenge.
3. The third type is conflict-free. This is the type of people who are easily suggestible, they are easy to manipulate and control. They often adhere to the opinions of others and try in every possible way to get away from the emerging quarrel. If it is not possible to avoid it, then they take on the image of a “poor sheep” and do not try to object, and after the conflict they are usually the first to go to reconciliation, realizing, perhaps, non-existent mistakes.

Before you understand how to improve relationships in the family, you should highlight the main reasons why misunderstandings occur:

• material problems that need to be solved;
• lack of intimate balance between a man and a woman;
• betrayal;
• strong jealousy;
• different life values, interests, guidelines, positions in raising children;
• struggle for the right to be called the head;
• life and boredom;
• distance marriage.
• bad habits of one of the spouses.

These are the main reasons why many couples start fighting after marriage. But at the heart of all conflicts, psychologists believe, is misunderstanding and inability to listen to each other, to make concessions.

Visualization - as one way to understand the problem

It should be noted that the work on reducing the number of quarrels in a married couple is the task of both partners. How to improve relations with a loved one should be thought not only by a woman, but also by a man who is equally an accomplice in the conflicts that arise.

If a problem has arisen, and a married couple begins to look for ways to improve relations in the family, then psychologists recommend using the visualization method. To do this, both spouses need to imagine the relationship that they consider ideal between a man and a woman. It should be a bright and clear picture, which should be as close to reality as possible.

For example, a woman wants not just a good relationship with herself, but also kisses, hugs, conversations over dinner. And a man imagines complete understanding on the part of his wife and great support in all matters. Everyone will have their own fantasies. At the same time, it is very important to make the picture more voluminous and real. Imagine what you would like to see in your soulmate. Choose those qualities that subjectively can be applied and achieved by your partner.

The visualization method not only helps to understand your desires and aspirations, but also to concretize and get positive emotions, the right direction in your actions.

Fix everything! Basic rules for building relationships

Women's nature, perception and psyche are more sensitive. Each event is perceived by a woman more emotionally. Often this leads to emerging quarrels and subsequent resentment of the spouses against each other.

Psychologists, understanding this nature of female nature, have developed several recommendations that help a woman understand how to improve relations with her loved one. After a quarrel, a woman needs to do three main tricks. They help to understand and assess the current situation, as well as to get out of the problem in the right way.

1. Try to relax, throw off the emotional negative load and look at the situation from the outside.
2. Do not be afraid if you realize that you are wrong in this or that situation.
3. Do not remember the grievances or conflicts that were between you before.

Let's consider each method in more detail.
Learning to think logically in the process of an emotionally negative state is quite difficult. But this is worth learning if you don’t want to look for answers to the question of how to improve relations with a boyfriend or husband in the future. Everyone can scale up a non-existent problem, but not everyone can understand the meaning of the situation and take a sober look at what is happening. And it's worth learning.

The second point in practical advice on how to build a relationship with your loved one after a conflict is not to be afraid to realize that you are wrong. For many women, it is very important to prioritize what is more important in life: be right or harmony of relations. After a while, many understand their mistakes, but it becomes unrealistic for them to admit it. Therefore, conflicts that arise almost from scratch often develop into protracted scandals and resentments. Speaking about your wrong, you do not step over your "I", you just show your love and respect for your partner.

The third way to help you figure out how to mend your relationship with your boyfriend or husband after a conflict is to stop remembering old sins. This is not necessary, especially if that quarrel was resolved positively. If you sincerely forgave each other, then remembering her again does not make sense. This will speak of your insincerity towards your partner.

How to get over a protracted quarrel

If the conflict drags on, then psychologists advise to sort out the situation. To begin with, the couple needs to find enough time to discuss the essence of the conflict. Choose a period so that no one bothers you. It is better to turn off all phones for this period and focus only on solving the problem that has arisen. Start a discussion with the phrase "Our problem arose because of ...", "Tell me your opinion on the situation that has arisen ...".

It is necessary to listen to each other's opinion carefully, even if disagreements arise, do not interrupt, moderate your emotions. Think together about the options for solving the problem and determine what each of the spouses does to ensure that the conflict situation is resolved.

Is it possible to build understanding after losing a family or a loved one?

The situation when the question arises of how to improve relations with a husband or wife arises after a divorce is not uncommon. The emotional fuse passes, and the person understands the value of what he has lost. The same can happen at the stage of meeting two lovers.

Having broken off a relationship, a person may think about how to improve relations with a guy or a girl. If such thoughts arise, then this may indicate feelings of love for your partner, but it may also be a false signal. Most often, if the desire for a loved one to return occurs after a week, then do not rush to draw conclusions. Perhaps this is a manifestation of the habit of established norms of daily life during the period of your relationship with the former. This is not a reason to ask the person to return.

For example, a wife is not used to sleeping alone, a guy is used to telephone conversations with his beloved, etc. To understand whether you need a person and whether you really want him to return, you need to live some time at a distance.

Try to get used to the new way of life. If after a couple of months, having lived at a distance, you are still looking for a meeting with your ex-husband or wife, you still miss him or her, then you should make an effort and try to return the relationship. They can be returned and improved. But in such a situation it is very important that this desire be mutual. Former spouses need to sort out their grievances, forgive and try to return the family idyll. Many couples succeed.

All excellent mood! Today we will talk about how to improve relationships with loved ones. Someone under the word “relatives” will immediately mean mother or father, husband or wife, and maybe children. For some, the word “relatives” is simply understood as people who are nearby - friends, distant relatives, who, due to life circumstances, have become very close. After all, “blood” is not always related. Alas, there are a million examples of this. But completely strangers can become relatives, and life itself indulges this in every possible way.

Your letters and your questions are the guideline, thanks to which the topics of our articles are compiled. Relationships are a very important topic. After all, if it doesn’t stick to close people, then life itself will not please. A person cannot be alone, because nothing corrodes from the inside like loneliness. However, a relationship that has long ceased to bring joy is also not an option. Today we are trying to find answers to many pressing questions.

This sweet word is "Harmony"!

We all dream that our relations are harmonious, but we have no idea what needs to be done so that this most notorious harmony appears. To begin with, it would be worth, in principle, to decide on the question: “What is HARMONY - for me personally”? After all, it is no secret that every person can understand this concept in his own way. For some, “harmonious relations” means that the beloved is there, gives flowers, does not drink or beat. This is quite enough for itself. Others, speaking of “harmony”, think about completely different matters: “It is important that the interests are common, so that the person who is nearby constantly grows and develops, so that it is interesting to be with him.” Agree that this is also important, though not for everyone.

Everyone has their own ideas about life, specifically about a “happy life”, and their own ideas about how to improve it, primarily through improving relations between loved ones. But in all these points of view, in all attempts to find “truth”, to find “balance” and “harmony”, there is one thing in common: long wanderings in the dark in search of light.

Meanwhile, everything is quite simple. "Wheel" has long been invented. It doesn't need to be invented anymore. However, you still need to know the basics of human interaction and be ready for internal changes. We all want to change the whole world, but not many are ready to start change with ourselves. For those who are ready, this article is dedicated.

You can talk a lot and for a long time about how to improve relations without saying anything worthwhile. We will try to say the least, but the most important. What do you need to know and how to start solving this issue?

How to improve relationships with people - General Laws

Big comes from small:

1. We must admit that the problem really exists. You need to honestly say to yourself: “Yes, everything is not going the way I would like it to be.” This is indeed the first step towards a solution.
2. The next step is internal readiness for action. “Yes, I am ready to understand the problem, I am ready to change myself.” It is with yourself that all the biggest changes in life begin. There is no need to think that “if he (she) had changed, then, of course, everything would have been different.”
3. Do not shift the power for a common relationship to a partner. What happened is also your fault. It is strange that you still do not understand this.
4. 4. Don't jump to conclusions. It is important that not emotions take over, but facts, while the facts are confirmed.
5. The guarantor of improving any relationship is information. How much do you know about who you want to build or improve relationships with? What does this person love or, on the contrary, dislike? What is important to him? Why? How does he imagine "harmony"? The more you know about a person, the easier it is to build a behavioral line.

As you can see, there is nothing complicated in any of the above points. Your desire is important, which must be backed up by steps. However, many of you ask us questions of a slightly different nature: “Is it possible to improve my relationship with my beloved with the help of magic”? “Is it possible to harmonize relationships by making a love spell”? There are many questions, we will not hide. And we will try to find answers now.

How can I improve my relationship with my husband?

All the same rules apply here, but there are some additions that we will now consider.

• Love yourself, start to finally pay attention to yourself, your appearance, your soul, your wardrobe. If you don't love yourself, no one will love you. It's simple, it's primitive, it's hackneyed, but it's that simple detail that's key. So, for example, if you have dissolved in him, you expect the same from him, but you don’t get (and you will NEVER get, because he is a man and this is not his role), you are upset, you are unhappy.
• Talk. No matter what, keep talking. Talk about what worries you, about what is on your mind, about your doubts, about your fears. Your partner (probably!) can't read minds from a distance. Sometimes he may not notice something, miss something important, there is nothing to worry about. There is no need to make a scandal about this. About this, as well as about your desires, you can simply tell frankly.
• Not caught, not a thief. The person next to you needs to be trusted. Of course, trust is not easy when you have been deceived and deceived more than once. At the same time, relationships are not easy at all, they are constant work and you need to work, first of all, on yourself. Remembering and knowing this golden rule, many sorrows can be avoided.
• Before you open your mouth and start yelling at him, count to fifty. Did not help? Then up to a hundred and fifty. In relationships, as in sales, you should actively use the principle of amortization, which is called "Yes, but ...". First praise, and then talk about what would be much better if ...
• Remember that you are living with a man, not a woman. You don’t need to pull everything on yourself, you don’t need to be his mother, his sister, God knows who else. You are his wife, which means you are FOR your husband, literally and figuratively. Let Him decide, your task is to agree with his decision, even if you know that he is wrong. The right to make a mistake is a wonderful gift.
• The sixth point will be very pleasant for all kinds of feminists. Well, we are not saying that our advice is the ultimate truth, we are only saying that they will help you maintain and strengthen what you already have.

Is it possible to improve relationships with a love spell?

Perhaps, but not for long. A love spell is just a parody of solving a problem, and even then, in the short term. What will happen next? Never mind! More problems and headaches. Of course, there is no need to talk about any harmonious relationship. This is a fact.

As a rule, it is those whose relationship has gone so wrong that their passion has decided to leave with such questions. “Now I’ll bewitch him (her) and he (she) will return to me.” Okay, of course he'll be back. But for how long? Have you been doing spell after spell like this all your life? Are you satisfied with this state of affairs? Unlikely! Thus, turning the relationship will not save. In any case, he certainly will not be able to harmonize them.

The magical effect of this kind can only be compared with a situation when you are hungry. Suddenly, a piece of stale bread covered with mold arrives from somewhere. You eat it, but do you enjoy it? Do you like this most moldy piece? Yes, you weren’t allowed to die of hunger, or rather, you didn’t let yourself die by choosing this kind of “delicacy”. Have you become a happier person because of this? More harmonious? The answer is obvious. All the same applies to love spells, whatever the nature of their origin.

There are situations when a crisis occurs in family life, and the husband and wife cannot find a common language. We have prepared some tips that will help you get out of a difficult situation and tell you how to improve family relationships and learn how to prevent conflicts in family life.

Causes of family conflicts and their solution

Any quarrel hides reasons that are much deeper than those because of which you swear. Did your husband take out the trash? Was your wife 5 minutes late? The guy did not compliment the new dress? Is it because of a garbage bag or a little delay that you are yelling at each other? Not at all. And several million more people did not praise the new dress. But you needed to hear something nice from your partner. What is hidden behind family conflicts and quarrels, let's try to figure it out in this article.

Rule #1: Don't be afraid to take responsibility

A real disaster in a relationship is a situation where partners shift responsibility onto each other. In the heat of quarrels, a man and a woman express mutual accusations, without finding the right solution. It is important to learn how to resolve conflicts in family life together, sharing equally the responsibility for them. This will help to reconcile even after a strong quarrel.

Everyone is responsible for their own mistakes or words, and it turns out that in the heat of the moment it was you who could not control your behavior. It is difficult to admit one's guilt or mistake, but such behavior testifies to the wisdom of a woman. If you behave with restraint, do not pour accusations and insults, then the husband will soon adopt such behavior.

Naturally, to take responsibility for yourself is not to shoulder all the problems. No, you need to learn to be aware of the scale of the problem and how each of the partners can participate in solving it.

Rule number 2: do not hold grudges and do not leave conflict situations in the family unattended

- this is not a way to solve the problem, and after a hot scandal, you should not forget about its cause. Quarrels arise because of a specific reason, having dealt with which you will get rid of the cause of the conflict and avoid its recurrence in the future.

For example, if conflicts in family life are due to a spouse's bad habit, then choose an effective way to deal with this problem. Discuss everything with your partner, separating the roles: what is the cause of the conflict, how can you solve it, what will be the actions of each partner when you start to solve the problem?

Avoid playing on the feelings of a partner, taking offense over trifles.

If you understand that specific claims have ripened for you, then do not be afraid to express them. And silent games and manipulations with feelings do not add love to partners. When you want to point out your partner's mistakes, act gently and calmly.

But even if you have a habit of often being offended, then learn to forgive and still take at least part of the responsibility for the quarrel on yourself. This skill can change your attitude to quarrels, you will stop taking words so close to your heart and once again you will not provoke a conflict based on your grievances.

Rule number 3: if you are wrong, admit your guilt

The problem of modern relations is the inability to “give up”. It is important for a man when his woman herself admits her guilt. How else to improve relations in the family, if you do not know how to admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness? After the conflict is over, be sure to talk about how you were rude in the heat of the moment and how you regret it. Of course, at first, the offended man will accept the apology coldly, but a little later, sincerity will melt his heart.

Rule number 4: be able to accept criticism in your address, remember the merits of your man

The ability to accept criticism is important for both women and men. Imagine that you came to an appointment with a beautician, and he told you: “The skin is flabby, the chest needs to be tightened and cellulite removed!”. Will it occur to you to be offended and immediately begin to criticize the beautician himself?

So it is with the second half: learn to listen and accept truthful criticism, which concerns both character, behavior, and even appearance. Of course, in the heat of a quarrel, criticism can be exaggerated, but at the end of the conflict, be sure to discuss everything that has been said with your partner.

Adequate criticism expressed at a peaceful negotiating table is not a way to humiliate you or unleash another family quarrel. This is a factor that will help change you for the better, and you will learn about your partner's attitude towards you and your shortcomings.

Along with the shortcomings, there are also positive aspects that couples forget about. Over the years of living together, the positive actions of a man become the norm, and shortcomings come to the fore. To see the good and not the bad, try not to compare your partner to other men. Always remember why you fell in love with your husband or boyfriend, while at the same time trying to gently correct those shortcomings that you cannot reconcile with.

Rule number 5: sex is not the engine of relationships

Sex, of course, is important, but it does not bind partners as tightly as mutual understanding, emotional connection, fidelity. You should not give your desires an outlet by choosing sex with several different partners. Consumer attitude to it today is the problem of modern relations.

Body love is a form of affection, but the more you indulge your desires, the more insatiable you become. You can experiment, bringing something new into your intimate life, but do not become addicted. By the way, the manipulation of sex is not the norm.

The phrase “you didn’t take out the trash - you’re sleeping on the couch today” will become an occasion for another quarrel in the family later due to a hidden conflict.

Rule #6: Partners have different interests

Marriage, love, relationships - no reason to forget that a man and a woman can have different interests. You can not understand each other's hobbies, but you can’t limit your soulmate either. Show care by giving your loved one the opportunity to practice and believe in what he wants. Naturally, if we are not talking about alcohol, drugs or infidelity.

Very often, conflicts between close people - husband and wife, children and parents - arise literally from nothing. One said what he thinks (after all, it is considered correct to talk about his feelings), while the other for some reason was offended and closed up. How can you really talk about feelings, and how can you not? Two stories and a workshop from psychologist Valentina Moskalenko.

In life, relationships between close people do not always develop smoothly. Often people get angry, offended at each other, angry. And each of the partners can be right in their own way. Our feelings are natural and changeable - this is characteristic of human nature.

It is very important that you understand this. Moreover, a person needs not only to know that they understand him, but also to hear confirmation of this: “Yes, I understand you, I know how you feel now. Something similar happened to me too.”

Feelings are an integral part of our being. If they are rejected or not taken seriously, then the very essence of man is rejected. This means that he does not receive the necessary confirmation of his value, which means that he is not dear to someone.

Sharing feelings, empathy is very close. It is not at all comfortable for each of us to live in complete isolation, to hide our thoughts and feelings from people. The feeling that someone else perceives us helps us to accept ourselves, paves the way for intimacy, for real intimacy.

Separation of feelings is also necessary because positive experiences are strengthened, while negative ones are weakened. So, empathizing with a loved one, we not only confirm his importance in his own eyes, but also help him improve his mental health, that is, as if we act as a psychotherapist.

To begin with, we will learn to be good listeners for our loved ones.

So, in order to build a reliable relationship, it is important to discuss your experiences with a loved one, especially those that concern us the most. This is called emotional honesty.

I have two neighbors, my friends. Our apartments are located in the same corridor. They used to share their problems with me.

One, Tamara Ivanovna, has a son, Tolya. He is 16. About a year ago, Tolya began to carefully monitor his clothes, spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, and generally pay attention to his appearance. The mother, fearing for his performance at school, tried to correct the situation (although what to correct - after all, everything is going fine, in accordance with the nature of a sixteen-year-old boy!).

Isn't it for the sake of that girl who asks you about your homework five times a day, are you parting for half an hour today?

None of your business, - Tolya answered rudely.

His mother wanted to distract him, began to ask about his studies, but he became isolated and did not tell anything. Tamara is now very worried, as if the relationship with her son would not break completely. Tolya believes that they do not understand him. The mother worries that she is not respected.

Another neighbor, Vera Maksimovna, has more serious problems. Her mother lies with the consequences of a stroke in a neurological clinic. Vera goes to the hospital every day after work. It is necessary to feed mom, and make the bed, and wipe the body so that pressure sores do not form.

Vera's husband, Victor, does not object aloud to his wife's frequent visits to her mother, but behaves at the same time like an offended, neglected little boy. He seems to say with all his appearance: "I need you so much, without your care I feel abandoned. And you continue to pay attention only to your mother, and not to me."

In both cases, there was no confirmation of feelings in the relationships between people. If the young man's mother had not questioned the truth and adequacy of her son's feelings, she would not have laughed at his parting. By the way, the desired goal - to direct his energy to study - was not achieved. Tolya began to study more carelessly. Silent at home. The absence of open relationships does not contribute to anything good, including academic achievements.

Victor did not dare to voice his claims to the attention of his wife. He knew what she would say: "Mom is so sick and helpless, it's my duty to be there." Vera would be offended, hurt by the fact that he does not understand elementary things, she could even accuse her husband of callousness. These would be her protective forms of behavior.

If the first story has a disappointing ending - the son and mother experience alienation and do not know how to improve relations, then the second one has a happier ending.

Vera once said:

I would be glad to stay with you in the evening more often, Vitya. But you know that now mom needs care.

Don't worry, I understand you, - Victor squeezed out of himself, despite the offense. And the amazing thing is that the insult immediately disappeared somewhere.

I'm glad you understand how I feel. I would like to be at the same time near my mother and with you.

What happened in the conversation between Victor and Vera? There was confirmation of each other's feelings. She took the first step towards him, seeing that he was biting like an offended boy. And with her behavior, it was as if she said to him: “I agree with you. You are absolutely right. We don’t spend enough time together, my mother does not want to take away precious time from us. But you can’t live without doing what you have to do. This is my duty to care for a sick mother, but I understand your needs."

Instead of defending her position, her absolute rightness, Vera confirmed only one thing - his feelings are real, true and appropriate. There are no wrong feelings. There is only an inappropriate way of expressing them.

Feeling resentment, indignation, irritation, bitterness, annoyance is normal. And a loved one can recognize and confirm these feelings. Perhaps here lies the key to resolving many crises. Without confirmation of feelings, relationships can be damaged irreparably.

If Vera had not been able to forgive Victor for his offense (“At such an hour he thinks only of himself. What an egoist!”), then Victor would not have forgiven her for rejecting him at the moment when he wanted rapprochement and needed her. To understand the feelings of another does not mean to agree with him in everything. It's about respecting the similarities and differences between you.

Validation of feelings is one of the cornerstones of good, lasting relationships. Otherwise, the couple's life turns into a struggle for power, a competition for the top. And we enter into close relationships not for competition, but for partnership.

Recognition of the feelings and merits of another person does not mean at all that any criticism, expression of discontent is excluded. If you are dissatisfied with something in the behavior of a partner, you may well criticize him.

However, when criticizing his actions, do not question human dignity. The conversation might go something like this:

I'm sorry you didn't want to be the leader of the group.

Why do I need this, the salary will increase just nothing, but the responsibility will fall hoo much.

It's good that you're so responsible. But you need to grow professionally. Are you missing your chance?

This can be the end of the conversation. Now imagine what would happen if you were talking like a dictator:

Look, do not miss the opportunity. Now you must take this place!

I know without you.

You know a lot! You're always letting others get around you, you dumbass!

What strength of relationship can we talk about in such a situation?!

It may not take much effort to build close, trusting relationships, provided that the most important thing in relationships is trust, honesty, openness.